Sunday, June 4th, 2006
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5:19 pm - you can see him on tv, any given sunday...win the superbowl and drive off in a hyundai
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karmakarmakarmakarmakarma chameleeeeeeeoooooonnn...
i just work at the bank now and it's great. i'm applying for a different position, which would ultimately be a promotion. my interview is tuesday, eek. eek. eeek. eeeek.
SO WHAT IS UP
current mood:  recumbent
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Monday, January 2nd, 2006
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10:54 am - it's been a long time, shouldn't have left you without a dope beat to step to
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hiiiiiii everybody.
xmas was good, new years was good
both jobs have been a-okay
i don't really update in here much (obviously) but feel free to check out www.myspace.com/meanemilyjean. that's where my online self is these days.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Sunday, October 30th, 2005
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12:30 pm - yay!
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happy birthday to me! i'm the big deuce-deuce!
last night was a ridiculous amount of fun. couldn't have been better.
yay for me!
current mood:  happy
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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2:57 pm - here we go
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birthday party's tonight. should be interesting.
current mood:  anxious
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
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1:11 pm
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*Getting windshield wiper fixed again today
*Making birthday plans
*Making Halloween plans (I think i'm going to dress up like Meg from Family Guy)
= surprisingly melancholy afternoon.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
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11:25 am - lyrics to "That's Me Trying"-W Shatner, B Folds, A Mann
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I got your address from the phone book at the library
Wandered in, looked you up and you were there
Weird that you've been living, maybe, 2 miles away for the best part of 20 years
You must be, what, in your early forties now
If I remember,
You were born in June or was it May?
Eisenhower was the president although it may have been JFK
Years of silence
Not enough who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying
You still working in that store on ventura?
You still going with--no, that's not fair
I know I haven't been the very best of dads
I'll hold my hand up there
The reason that I'm writing is that i'd like for us to meet
Get a little daughter dad action going soon
We can put things behind us
Eat some pizza, drink some beer
You still see your sister Lemli?
Bring her, too
Years of silence, not enough
Who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying
But I don't want to talk about any of that bad stuff
Why I missed out on your wedding and your high school graduation
I'd like to explain, but I can't
So let's keep things neutral
Stick to topics that won't bug us
How 'bout this?
Let's choose a book and we'll read it before we meet
Then we can sit down at a restaurant
Have a look at the menu and talk about it while we eat
See, if we never had a problem
Then that's what life would be like
Easy
Uncomplicated
Cool
So let's just pretend that the past didn't happen
I don't really like thriller as well.
I don't want to know if I've got grandchildren
no need to tell me where I went wrong
I don't want to know what happened in your thirties
You wanna try 'cold mountain'?
Or is that too long??
Years of silence, not enough
Who could blame us giving up?
Above the quiet there's a buzz
That's me trying
I'm trying
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(comment on this)
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11:09 am - Just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world...she took the midnight train goin' anywhere...
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So! Last night, I arrived back in Maine from a rousing four days in V-mont. Let me tell you, it was amazing! I had a ridiculous amount of fun, and met ridiculously wonderful people. At least 10 strangers would come up to talk to me really randomly, with a good range of ages, personalities, etc. etc. Also, I got some really delicious maple candy, syrup, and other Vermont goodies. We stopped at the Magic Hat factory, got a ridiculous (I'm using this word a lot!) amount of beer, and stopped at the Ben and Jerry's factory on the way home. I kept saying how I would love to live there, but I really just want to live everywhere. I mean it. If I ever had a large sum of money, I would want little modest homes or camps across the country and elsewhere too. I can't tell if this is really a part of my personality, or because I'm in my early twenties. The thing is, I'm not content being a nomad. I just want to settle down everywhere. Does that make sense? Probably not!
Someone should call me this weekend. I'm not picky. 659-4763. I'm right there.
current mood:  accomplished
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 16th, 2005
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4:49 pm - and it's one more night in hollywood...
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i haven't written in here for quite some time.
things have been going well. i'm going to take a second job at wendy's on nights, i think. i'm twenty-two in two weeks. i won a cutting board today while playing bingo. i miss two people i love terribly, eva and zach, and they're both out of state. i wish i were out of state. i'm still searching for something really really important, and i don't know what it is. i met a guy the other night who looks exactly like chef from south park, and everyone calls him chef (makes sense!). i feel like my birthday is going to be really lonely, and i'm not really looking forward to it.
but yes. that's my life in a noot-shell.
current mood:  awake
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, October 8th, 2005
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1:25 pm - that cold october rain!
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i'm fucking FREEZING right now...our apartment isn't very good in the "being warm" department, unless it's in the middle of summer. my windshield wiper? broken again. but i do have a long weekend (columbus day + paid bank holidays = a beautiful thing), so that's exciting. i got to play with a cute little kitten today! i wish we could have cats here, but willsky is allergic soooo...yeah. rockin' times.
i was in hannaford last night, and one of my favorite necklaces came crashing down to the floor. it was made of brown and orange painted wooden smooth circuluar beads. RIP
current mood: thoughtful
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 5th, 2005
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7:13 am
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I can't wait for Halloween! I'm having my birthday party on Oct. 29th, if anyone's interested in the ol' stoppin-by!
current mood:  sleepy
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
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10:48 pm - mmbop
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fall is setting in, and i love it. i wish i could live somewhere where it felt like fall most of the time. that would be lovely.
the appraisal guy never came to our apartment! i don't know what's going on! i can't stop using exclamation marks!
....
current mood: accomplished
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(comment on this)
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Friday, September 9th, 2005
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9:23 pm
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i can't believe my birthday is coming up. last year's birthday build up was so intense, because i was turning 21, and then it was a big let down. there were so many people here that i didn't even know, and that really depressed me at the time. i hope this one is better for me.
i'm going to vermont from oct. 18-21st, and i'm pretty frigging excited. it may sound silly, but part of me has always felt that vermont held something very special. who knows.
i'm so physically exhausted. after i work tomorrow, i've worked 104 hours over the past two weeks. my paycheck is going to be ginormous, but still. yeah.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Sunday, September 4th, 2005
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10:16 am - "Please Call Me, Baby" - Tom Waits
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The evening fell just like a star
Left a trail behind
You spit as you slammed out the door
If this is love we're crazy
As we fight like cats and dogs
But I just know there's got to be more
So please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain
And I admit that I ain't no angel
I admit that I ain't no saint
I'm selfish and I'm cruel but you're blind
If I exorcise my devils
Well my angels may leave too
When they leave they're so hard to find
So please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain
And we're always at each other's throats
You know it drives me up the wall
But most of the time I'm just blowing off steam
And I wish to God you'd leave me
Baby I wish to God you'd stay
Life's so different than it is in your dreams
So please call me, baby
Wherever you are
It's too cold to be out walking in the streets
We do crazy things when we're wounded
Everyone's a bit insane
I don't want you catching your death of cold
Out walking in the rain
current mood:  ehhhh
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
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11:08 pm - festivities
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lately i've been trying to be as confident as i possibly can. this mainly consists of loving myself, and having the guts to show it [there are several reasons why i have such poor self-esteem, but it's nothing i can talk about with most people. sorry]. and until today, i was doing really well at it! i honestly did not care what people thought about my 'flaws'! it was great!
and then, today, i went to a wedding reception.
the room itself was beautiful, decked out with chandeliers and white silky ribbons. and it was filled with some of the most 'gorgeous' people i have ever seen. i don't know how you may feel about this, but it will knock you down a peg or two. at least in my situation. and then it really sucks because you let yourself fall into that trap. that's the problem.
so i'll drink some beer, read a little, and forget about all of this by tomorrow. then, i'll be going out to a camp and staying the night. back to normal.
i worked fifty hours this week, and i'll be working for about fifty-seven next week. in case you were wondering what i've ultimately been up to.
current mood:  tired
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, September 1st, 2005
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10:32 pm
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i've come to the realization that the only philosophy-religion i can identify with is taoism.
that is all.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
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10:48 pm - would you be mine? could you be mine?
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i've been working a lot lately, and i feel really great about it. it's more like i'm actually earning money, because my job just as it is is very easy in many ways. it's just a lot of responsibility, and whatnot, with the "money thang."
i can't watch the hurricane katrina coverage. new orleans has been very close to my heart since i was last there. it's a fucking tragedy. i've been to some bustling and populated cities, and it was by far my favorite (i didn't think anything in america could top london, but i was very wrong).
i have to get clothing for a wedding. fun, fun.
anyone up for some good autumn road trips once my car is up and a-runnin'? i miss driving all the time. it's a good stress reliever.
current mood: thankful
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, August 28th, 2005
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7:29 pm - i've got bruce lee on my head, but don't call me a lee-head
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last night, i attended a rather horrific bachelorette pre-party. it was just a room full of girls nibbling on appetizers while executing the usual chatter technique. all of these girls are very untouchable in their beauty, and that really sucks. so much coldness. i felt very out of place.
this morning, i volunteered at the folk festival and gave away a ridiculous amount of bangor savings bank stuff (and, no, not money. ha ha).
i feel so lethaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargic right now. it's such a gross feeling.
current mood:  iffy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 27th, 2005
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12:13 pm - i've got peas on my head, but don't call me a peahead...
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i'm really excited for fall. there's just this (cue overkilled cliche) electricity in the air, and i'm not sure if i feel that way because my birthday's in october, or what. but yes. i love very. choppy. sentences.
i am going to a really weird victorian fashion show, where i will be provided with pink champagne and hors d'oeuvres, and then it's on to morgan's house, for her bachelorette party.
am i finally becoming...a girl? cahrayzay.
been trying to bust some moves on the geetar. it's going okay.
come to the american folk festival before 1pm. bangor savings' exemplary employees will be volunteering.
current mood:  bouncy
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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5:08 pm - righty-o
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i've been sitting here for a few minutes, trying to decide on how to describe my trip to portland. bittersweet, i suppose.
i kind of came to the realization that one of my major faults is trying to make people happy, all the time. it's caused me to kind of put myself on the back burner, i think. i need to better myself as a human being. i need to lose weight. i need to be healthier. i need to be more independent without being lonely. i've been so lonely, but not because i don't have people around. there are people around all the time. i guess it's more that i desire strong and great connections (but who doesn't, right?) i still feel stupid for dropping out of college. i miss my dad and i wish i would have made things right before he died. it's the first time i've missed him, and he's been gone two years as of this past april. i hate april because i've lost someone in that month regularly for the past five years. i'm scared that i wont make things right with my brother because i have too much pride and loyalty to my mother. what if he dies soon? am i a bad person if i never want to talk to him again? i haven't seen my nieces or nephew in about three years (they must be so big now). there are times where i wish i could just end everything because i don't know if i'm strong enough. it's really hard for me to tell someone that i love them, and that hurts a lot sometimes. i miss you so much that it hurts. i should eat more vegetables and enjoy them, goddammit!
and i should learn to love myself, despite all of this excess emotion. i'm actually not that bad at all, and i forget that too much.
but yes. that's how it goes.
current mood: complacent
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Saturday, August 20th, 2005
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9:03 am - yikes
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I feel really really nervous about going to Portland today, but there's a possibility that my butterflies is actually me being slightly ill from the margaritas last night. Regardless.
If I die in some horrible accident, please remember me fondly.
I'm reading A Wrinkle In Time again, and it couldn't be more wonderful.
current mood: nervous
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